The Joy, Infinity and Ecstasy of Heartbreak

‘The Wound is the place where the Light enters you’

Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhī (Rumi)

This is my first post on the controversial topic of ‘Twin Flames’. I’ve kept away from this terminology and I’ve kept aloof from indulging when others use it. Yet in nature when you see a pattern; you learn how this pattern creates the design of life and you learn how to integrate and use it. Definitively the Twin Flame process is a veritable spiritual vocation that I recognise as being a great journey of personal development for the aware within it. I have certainly seen the pattern of the Twin Flame manifest around me and this sharing is for those of you who wish to integrate and use this energy for the benefit of yourself and the collective.

The internet has plenty of literature on the path of the Twin Flame. This post will not really deal with the human relationship dynamic of Twins (runner/chaser etc). This is more about the spiritual path of unconditional love manifest through an ‘other’ and how it can be embraced with awareness.

It is the ultimate energetic carrot and stick game. For many feminine people (hereby referred to interchangeably as female, with no attempt to exclude anyone identifying how they like, simply as shorthand) this is the agent provocateur towards a spiritual path. The seeking often begins with the realisation that one is jaded with what is passing for love in the modern world. What we call love in modernity is oddly pragmatic and often lacking in the spiritual connection that sensitives are seeking. This is not to denigrate the pragmatic experience of love, every partner is a teacher and every partnership is a teaching and a blessing, this is simply to note that for these feminines, pragmatism isn’t sufficient.

So the soul starts calling in true unconditional love, spiritual connection; and the synchroncities, and the (super intense) healing begins.

The Heart Knows Without Knowing

I welcome in as a parable for the concept of unconditional love the Sanskrit name for the Heart Chakra, Anahata, meaning ‘The Unstruck’, with great respect to those who brought this wisdom forth.

This is an approximation of the yantra of the chakra, meaning the power symbol (there will be a future blog post on Yantras and Portals). The symbolism of this yantra is most succinct in the meeting of a descending triangle with an ascending triangle creating what is usually referred to as a six pointed star (often associated with Judaism). The descending triangle (the ‘upside-down’ one) represents the Earth, or Shakti, the Divine Feminine Principle. The ascending triangle represents Ether/Air or Shiva, the Divine Masculine Principle. The Heart is the fourth in the Seven Major Chakra system and the crossing point where the Energies of the Earth in the lower chakras meet with the Energies of Consciousness in the higher chakras.

The insinuation in this symbol is that it is in the heart space that the purified feminine, material energies (of security and groundedness in the root, emotional and social in the sacral and self-identity and social role in the solar) meet with the purified energies of the masculine refinement (of spiritual connection in the crown, clear consciousness in the third eye and right speech and creation in the throat).

Take a moment to reflect on archetypical gender roles in the present society. It is often feminines who are more drawn to the spiritual and intuitive, where many masculines are more drawn to the material. In the Vedic construct, masculine energy is the spiritual intuitive and feminine is the creative material. In purifying ourselves our paths cross in the heart. From what I have perceived largely the feminine of a twin dynamic is learning how to ground the spiritual energies they innately own, by working intuitively in the material world, with the earth or whatever their vocation is, to create and nurture abundance in the face of a scarcity paradigm. The masculine is learning to relinquish their material biases around scarcity to embrace the spiritual by trusting the feminine abundance and surrendering to realising their spiritual intuitive self. Thereby both people become integrated energies.

In my observations the feminine energy is the ‘leader’. By that I mean she is the energy manifesting her personal lessons around unconditional love through the other. Any fears or resistances that she may have to unconditional love are being played through her ‘other’ so that they may be dealt with and reset to love. I do not know if these roles will switch. I expect so.

Although in this post I refer to love romantically, in spiritual awareness we see all experiences of bliss and abundance as love, and all experiences of hardship as lessons around resistance to love. In this sense money (where received through boon or vocation) is also a form of universal love, as well as time and anything that holds innate personal value the individual at that moment.

Another reason I call in this powerful symbol is mainly contained within the name Anahata; The Unstruck.

In the wisdom traditions of the subcontinent there was a great knowing of the role of vibration in the creation of this universe. Hence the use of sacred syllables such as Aum or Om. That the resonance of the heart is considered to be the unstruck resonance suggests that the frequency of the heart is the original frequency of all creation BEFORE collision or resistance. Before the Big Bang in Western terms, the great explosive expansion of the universe.

So what does this have to do with unconditional love? Consider the striking the creation of conditions. Consider your unstruck heart as the original creator of the universe, your personal subjective universe, but then your heart was struck. Perhaps through cruelty, accident, shock or trauma. We learn through these shocks to create barriers, conditions, expectations and resistance to things that we truly wanted but may have shocked us. This is trauma, how it works.
To simplify; take the example of a child who loves dogs. The total joy of seeing a dog means the child approaches the dog merrily and reaches out to pet her. The dog snaps, the child is shocked at the betrayal from a being who she had perceived as a friend. The child is so shocked she feels the need to protect herself and thus stays away from all dogs and grows up believing that dogs are dangerous. Her heart has closed to an expression of life where she had such fondness for creation.
The child is struck and has fallen from her heart love of animals.

In returning to our hearts path we must return to the place of the unstruck, of one who has not be taken off the innate vibration of the infinite.

How do we do that?

The Wisdom of Self-Worth

By refusing to create prejudice. Prejudice is the result of trauma. This trauma can be personal or applied. If you grow up in a household say and your mother speaks pityingly of the neighbor whose wife had an affair,  children will integrate being on the receiving end of an infidelity as something to be ashamed of. The other types of these social, familial and cultural integrations, also known as ‘samskaras’ are endless. So we build a resistance. When love is unconditional we accept the person as having their reasons and do not judge their actions as reflections on us.

When our hearts have been broken or battered we seek others to jigsaw into our broken spaces and make a complimentary model of a person between two hearts. If your soul chose the journey of unconditional love (which it seems the TF vibe is all about); you don’t get to do this.

The twin journey, as far as I have collated, is to undo every barrier to love you have, from prejudice to people pleasing. It’s a nuanced expression of your highest yearning, and that masquerades as a union with a seemingly unobtainable ‘other’. Yet the highest yearning is to live in unconditional love and allow that to manifest through you. It’s not actually about that person, it’s about being free from triggers and able to just be your true self fearlessly, without needing any other for approval or security.

Loving someone without condition does not mean being in relationship to them at all costs. It means loving them through each choice they make, even on choices that do not include you being with them. It means ‘hands off’ supporting their life’s journey with acceptance if that’s what they want, and hands on if that’s what you BOTH want.

Unconditional love is not being a pushover who does not meet their own needs so others will like them. It is not some’thing’ that we ‘do’ for others. Loving without condition means living without fear of loss, rejection or inadequacy and refusing to mediate those fears in others. It’s radical self acceptance and self esteem so that we may mirror that level of acceptance and esteem back into the world through our family and community.

It is not mindlessly and benignly tolerant of mistreatment.

That is enabling others to stay in fear.

It is also not an extreme level of openness that negates ones on process or intuition.
It is self-responsibility and the awareness that everything has it’s place in creation, even the tougher medicines of guilt and shame.
Love is also not possession or control.
Loving without condition is as often a goodbye as it is an embrace. In trusting that there is a timing to every encounter, just as fruit will fall from the tree when it is shook, the path is meant to be effortless receiving, never seeking.
It is having the self-worth to know that what you are met with is a reflection of you and to keep that reflection clear and polished. The higher your frequency the better you can receive the right things. This comes with the wisdom of knowing when to receive.

We’re living in a constructed reality of limitation. Limitations are placed on us from the moment we incarnate. With all the applied prejudices we already discussed it’s often hard to find personal truth. Again, personal truth is not an absolute. Just as we are not forever hungry likewise we are not forever angry or forever disliking something. To experience unconditional love first surrender the language of absolutes. Accept that everything can change in the blink of an eye.

Without absolutes we can cultivate self-trust in the moment. I will keep the method for self-trust simple;

Is a decision being made from fear or from love?

That is all you need to ask your self.

Am I doing this out of fear? Fear of loss, discomfort, rejection, abandonment, failure?
Or am I speaking, working, connecting and being with people and non-human beings from a place of love? Is this a choice that really invites a feeling of bliss, love or happiness in me?

We when value ourselves and our bliss we do not try to force others to validate that with their presence, but instead welcome them to our lives as participants in our bliss journey. When our lives are geared toward our personal bliss MOMENT TO MOMENT that is the only constant that we need be vigilant of, and we are empowered to bypass on that which is not in resonance with that journey.

Once you know how to answer that simple question honestly, and know which answer to trust you are now in self trust.
It is a choice that will arise a thousand times a day.
Make the right choice, and trust that there are no missed opportunities when we are in self-trust and deciding from love; only delayed gratification.

Emotional Need and the Ability to Receive

Needs, in the yogic philosophy, are only minor material experiences of the body and are the responsibility of the self to meet. Being in an energetic partnership signals that you probably ought to skill build to meet all of your own needs. This does not mean you must become an island, but it does mean you must identify when you feel abandoned, sit with it and take all the fear from the emotion. Likewise betrayal, likewise jealousy, etc etc. When you look beneath these emotions you will see there is only love. Fear of abandonment is fear of losing a loved one or the life you love, betrayal is again fear of loving someone who may harm you yet still having to love them (we do not experience betrayal from beestings, unless we love that bee), jealousy is rooted in the fear of scarcity of love and a desire to protect someone from what we perceive as inauthentic love.

The more you find love in these experiences, the less likely they are to manifest externally through your match.

If you are having fear based needs; ‘I need him to contact me’, ‘I need approval’, ‘I need a stable relationship’. Try to turn them, or alchemise them, into experiences you are willing to receive. ‘I’m looking forward to being contacted by the right person’, ‘I’m ready to receive appreciation’ ‘I’m cultivating stability by being definitive with my energy’.

Being fully in ones power means that your needs are met primarily by you or through your authority. If you are in some kind of need you are seeking (often subconsciously) a relationship of dependency. Interdepedency is fine, when it is sought and agreed upon by both people. Problem is, in most relationships, the dependent part of us is something we are rejecting in ourselves and hiding. And so it is revealed through projection onto the other as something intolerable. What irritates you most about your energetic match? Now try and find what part of yourself you are repressing, AND LOVE THAT IN YOU FIRST. With this practice you’ll notice yourself being less triggered.

If your match has a violent temper call in all the times you were transgressed upon and kept your mouth shut. Allow yourself a safe environment to react to those moments and love yourself for feeling rage. It’s just a feeling. Once you can love that part of yourself you will no longer be irked by your partner. You are effectively telling the cosmic game, ‘I have learned the lesson of loving rage’ and although you will be tested occasionally, you will no longer need to re-experience it again and again.

Final Advice

For those of you on this path of loving without condition I really encourage you to seek within yourself the conditions you have placed on your ability to love yourself. Seek those conditions projected onto the people around you and what bothers you about them. Change what you can lovingly and accept what you cannot; also lovingly. Allow yourself the human experience for all it’s glorious messiness. If you are triggered by your match, step back and take a long hard look at what it is they have/do/are that you are resisting and then look within to find that part of you. Once you can love that in yourself, you can love that in another.


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